B.U.I.

Tonight, I am conducting a minor experiment. I am blogging under the influence of a friend's gifted bottle of:

In those two sentences, I used the backspace key 12 times to delete misplaced letters. I just used it another 9.

Why am I conducting this experiment? (4 more times) Well the reason is many-fold. First, I'm way behind in my blogging (4). Second, I happen to be full of Jack. Third (3!), I thought it would be interesting to write just a few sentences the way the tortured greats like Hemmingway (had to take 2 extra M's out of Hemmingway), Chandler, Parker and Poe (wow, that was a good run!) may have.

There is a fine line between the amount of intoxicants it takes to heighten one's senses and the amount it takes to dull them. (Holy crap, no mistakes) I have found that I tend to write funnier jokes when I've had a couple than when I'm stone cold sober (3). This has been confirmed by people who have read what I've written. (0! Yay me!). So what does this say about me? About alcohol (2)? About writing in general (2)?

Well...

About me? It says that I shouldn't accept offers of unwanted bottles of J.D. from friends, especially on a Saturday night when there's nothing good on TV and I know I don't have to drive anywhere because my husband is as sober as an Amish tobacco farmer (3). About alcohol? It says that booze is nothing more than a lubricant: Apply a little, and things slide out a little more easily...jokes, insults, secrets, hypocrisies (even my sober husband couldn't spell it right the first time), etc. Apply too much, and shit flows out of you like a honeymooner in Cancun who accidentally drank the water. About writing? Well if you're funny, you'll be funny sober or plastered. Maybe a tad bit more when plastered...until the spelling mistakes (I actually wrote "smelling" mistakes twice) make it impossible to decipher what your intent was.

Lessons to be learned? Most things are good in moderation. Nothing is good in excess. Spell-Check is a wonderful invention! And never blog under the influence unless you're ready to accept the consequences. (I've lost count!) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put the children out and tuck the cat into bed.