Friday, July 10, 2009

And In Other News...

There was more news in the world this week other than Michael Jackson's missing corpse (conspiracy theorists are atwitter on Twitter). Oscar Mayer died this week. They attempted cremation but he plumped when they cooked him. Sorry, I just had to.

With so much tragedy going on in the world, it's obvious that some news stories deserve much more mention than others. I'm however am mentioning the others:

Headline: French seen as world's worst tourists
"PARIS (Reuters Life!) – French tourists are the worst in the world, coming across as bad at
foreign languages, tight-fisted and arrogant, according to a survey of 4,500 hotel owners across the world."

The French are rude and arrogant? No!!!

Headline: Monkeys live longer on low-cal diet; would humans?
"WASHINGTON – Eat less, live longer? It seems to work for monkeys: A 20-year study found cutting calories by almost a third slowed their aging and fended off death."

It took 20-years and millions of dollars to find out you live longer with a better diet. They've now moved onto a 10-year, $10 million study to determine if males become aroused by watching porn. Same skinny monkeys volunteered for the study.

Obama and Pope meet for first time

"VATICAN CITY – President Barack Obama sat down with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican on Friday for frank but constructive talks between two men who agree on helping the poor but disagree on abortion and stem cell research."

I thought for sure Obama could have swayed him on those two! At least he got him to approve birth control and female priests.

Local Headline: Anger management for porn-blaring neighbor
"PHOENIXVILLE — An agreement involving anger management courses and community service was reached in district court Thursday for Michael W. Buck, arrested May 31 after he allegedly played a pornographic movie over his stereo system in the direction of children playing near his residence.......Parents informed police that around 7:10 p.m., they began to hear what was "a woman vocalizing her pleasure during sexual intercourse.......One parent stated that they were 1½ blocks away and could hear the woman having sex."

Notice that no one could hear the man? Typical. On a separate note, Mr. Buck's defense was that he was part of a 10-year scientific study. The room full of monkeys verified his claim.

Best Oscar Mayer Related Headline:
In the wake of chairman's death, PETA asks Oscar Mayer company to "bury the Wienermobile"

Ladies, how many times have we heard that line.

Funniest Entertainment Headline:
Mel, Jodie Reunite for Beaver

I simply can't top that one! I don't even care what the story's about.

And finally, the best double-entendre headline of the week:
Berlin 'sex academy' offers tips for visitors

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