Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Les Culs Stupide de la Semaine

Dumb Ass Moves

No matter how smart we may be, how many degrees we may hold, or how many years of experience we have under our belts, we've all made a few dumbass moves. I, for one, have made more than my fair share. As a girl, covering my father's eyes and playing hide and seek while he was driving would qualify as a dumbass move. Trying to “double process” dye myself into a platinum blond in the mid-80s, only to end up with green hair, a mortifying public bus ride to the nearby mall, a $100 repair due, and being a brassy blonde for a year would qualify as a dumbass move. Leaving a Venice (Italy, not Cali) nightclub at 1 AM with three other 20-somethings and accidentally ending up in an alley where a guy was waiting to cut off our purses...dumbass move. Doing almost the same exact same thing two years later? Priceless dumbass move. But these pale in comparison to some dumbass moves I've seen this week. Let me elucidate.

Meet Twitter Dumbass(es) of the Week: @THHEEE_JAY and @Solly_Forell

These Mensa members were all over Twitter during the health care reform debate, literally calling for the execution of the president of the United States. Graphically. And repeatedly. Of course those on Twitter who had advanced beyond the stem cell stage started calling them on it. At first they steadfastly demanded bullets to the brain. Then their little tiny 4 watt lightbulbs above their heads went off and they started to backpedal. TLTL guys. Secret Service came acallin'. Hope you ain't purdy boys. Don't drop the soap. Dumbasses.

Meet Congressional Dumbass of the Week: Republican Rep. Randy Neugebauer

Neugebauer apparently is a graduate of the Joe Wilson Charm Schnool. You remember former Congressional Dumbass of the Week Republican Rep. Joe Wilson. Mr.“You Lie!” from Obama's September congressional address? Well, Neugebauer decided to kick it up a notch. Screaming out “Baby Killer!” at anti-abortion Democrat Rep. Bart Stupak during Stupak's speech on Sunday night supporting the newly passed health care bill. Once busted (sure, he “confessed” the next day, but he'd have been busted soon enough), Neugebauer, like his tweeting compatriots, backpedaled a bit by saying that for some bizarre reason, no one in America heard the “It's a...” before the “baby killer!” The poor mook wasn't screaming out a personal attack on a fellow member of congress, he was merely venting at the actual bill. Bullshit! Oh, I'm sorry. You mean you didn't hear the “I can't believe you think we're falling for your load of....” that preceded “Bullshit”? Dumbass.

Meet Personal Dumbass of the Week: Oh, let's just call him “Opie”

Opie is a young lad, but not that young. Old enough to dive. Old enough to vote or enlist. Maybe even old enough to drink. And definitely old enough to know better. Opie signed on as an intern at a company I know, to earn credits toward graduation. Opie started off decently enough. Put in a really good hour's work. Showed up at an event, stayed a while, then hit his internship sponsors up for some dough. Then poof...like the fluff on an October dandelion...Opie was gone. Oh, they called Opie. But Opie didn't call back. They emailed Opie, but he must have been at the fishin' hole with Pa. And no one thought of Opie ever again. Until Opie got in touch this week asking his sponsor to fill out a form saying he'd logged one hundred interning hours. Opie, as it turns out has some major cojones. Beyond balls of steel. We're talking titanium testicles. But, so does Opie's sponsor. Our Opie will be retaking his internship course. Elsewhere. Dumbass.

And maybe this whacked out song selection was a dumbass move. But until Latch Key Kid learns how to whistle the theme to Andy Griffith, you take what you can get.

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